Sex is an important part of a relationship to me "I always think I know almost instantly... " It definitely is a vital part of any relationship!! If I don't feel a strong sexual attraction to a guy, it usually does not go far!! I mean you can LOVE anyone, but what makes your lover different than your loved ones is the special intimacy you share with them and no one else!! I have TRIED to 'develop' sexual desires for 'great guys' before... but for me, if the physical attraction is not there... it just does not work out in the long run! :( I would not be so blunt as to tell them that I 'don't want to have sex with him' - that's a bit harsh, but since he is OBVIOUSLY attracted to me in that way, it would be unfair to him to give him false hope by going out on further 'dates' with him!! A guy friend of mine said to me most guys are not really interested in being just friends with a woman!! If a guy tries to kiss me, and maybe rub my leg , his intentions are pretty clear.
So with that being said I cannot be with someone that I'm not sexually attracted to.
Some might call that shallow or being narrow minded. but am I wrong for knowing my own personal preferences when it comes to what I find attractive??!! LOL . Just because I know what I find attractive and you're not it, does not make me shallow or narrow-minded... I just know what I am attracted to. Some guys can take offense when you just tell them straight up I just wanna be friends or I don't see you in that kind of way. We ALL have different physical traits that we find attractive, we ALL have different things we find sexually attractive... so why is it that when we 'reject' someone that does not have those qualities and traits are we automatically labeled as shallow?? I been called that...
So let me tell you the story on the guy that called me shallow and narrow minded, he is also the reason why I'm blogging...
This guy and I have been talking for about a month of just talk...we chat online through instant message, by phone talking or texting. We both have seen pictures of one another so we both know what each other looks like before we were to meet. Even though I really wasn't feeling his pictures I gave him the benefit of a doubt because our conversations we good. Mentally we clicked. Even when we talked about sex on chat or phone we seem to both desire the same things. We have a lot in common. So two months into talking we decide to meet up. Last week he invites me over for dinner at his place. I was very impressed that he cooked me dinner, I liked that his place was clean and neat. I didn't like the fact that I got all dressed up, looked fine and you greet me in basketball shorts, white beater, and some jordans on lol...I expected him to be dressed. That's no biggie but I did peep that. We ate fried chicken, greens, and velvetta for dinner. I brought over strawberry shortcake for dessert... We ate we had great conversation, we smiled and laugh i had a great time but still I DIDNOT want to take him up to his room and fuck him.
Anyway...after dinner we went into the living room and continued to talk. We watched a movie called the grey and he dimmed the lights and made the atmosphere more sexy....lighted some candles and all...and then he sits all close to me and puts his arm around me. I was ok with that part...later on in the movie he starts trying to massage my shoulders and rub little circles on my leg and then he goes for the kiss....(pump your brakes...pause)
I back up, I don't say anything because I really don't want to crush him so I mention that we are having a nice time I don't want this to go any further then just chilling and watching this movie. He was cool with it, but I could tell that he was a little irritated by the comment like ...this bitch. So the movie is over and I really have to get going I gather my things and we he walks me out...we mention it was nice and we should do this another time...and this time he asks for a kiss goodbye...I tell him no. he says ok ok I can respect that, he told me to call him when I got home and I drove off.
I drove off not wanting to see him again. I drove off not feeling nothing for him. When I walked into the door and he greeted me and I looked up at him I knew then and there this night wasn't going anywhere. And then when he started with the candles and all and I peeped game I became uncomfortable and a little on the defense. The next day he called to talk about last night and I just told him that I would like us to chill a little more and development more of a relationship and just be good friends. Lets start there and see where that leads us. Which I really met, Thinking over time I could development a sexual desire. Guess he wasn't feeling that statement and went into talking about women that give off signals like that want it, tried to throw a low blow at me and said I was being a little narrow minded and shallow and how he felt. ..I'm like WTF on the other end...he was about to talk to DIAL but I was like no we gonna talk about this...smh
Now I've have been VERY open minded about this situation even though there wasn't a sexual attraction...he is a intellectual being that's able to hold a decent conversation. Now and days that's difficult to get. He didn't look like Idris Elba but I still had a open mind and even tho I really wasn't physical attracted to him either I still wanted to show him a good time and be good company...
Where do me and him stand now? we still talk back and forth online, on phone. As far as a 2nd date I'm not sure, he pissed me off about me being narrow minded and shallow.
I like to think I'm humble and genuine. I'll give ANYONE the benefit of a doubt. Now I MIGHT have lead him on just a tinnie tiny bit...lol...(when we got into our sex conversations) and that might be why he felt a certain way during our time together., but you never assume anything.
this subject is definitely a to be continued...stay tuned
