(I can see myself being with someone and never feeling fully completed.)
Before i start this blog I really wanted to define what being in love with a person is and what loving a person is, and the difference between the two. After doing my research I concluded that you can love many things. Plants, animals, people. etc. But you can only be in love with one thing and that usually only applies to people.
When you love someone you want them to be happy, safe. You care and wish them the best for them. Love can apply to anything or anybody. Being in love is a state of mind, something you can feel deep down in your soul. You both kiss
and hug all the time. You give each other gifts for what ever happens.
When you talk to each other on the phone or in person you are so happy
to talk to them you can talk about anything and never fight. It does not
matter how much time u spend with that person you like being around each
other no matter if you are together once a week or every day for hours
and u never get bored with that person. Being inlove is that other half to loving someone times 10! It is a feeling of belonging to another soul, it is the feeling of ache
in your soul when you are not with the person you are in love with.
So what do you do when your inlove with someone that just loves you???? What if everything in your body is shouting out to you that this person is the one and YOU know that that person does not feel the same way?
So I really had to sit back and think to myself am i in love with him? or is it lust? Yes he introduced me to things I've never experienced. yes we do have history together and been through hell with one another. But now that we are not together i question the whole existence of our so called relationship. I feel like no one can ever replace him, and I feel like I'll be never be able to love someone as much as I loved him.
I can see myself being married to someone who adores me and is in love with me but my soul still being someone else's. Many people especially married people are in love with someone else but would never tell a soul and never jeopardize there marriage. So if your married and in love with someone else do you stay married and live a lie? In hopes that your husband or wife can become the person your in love with? Or in hopes that you can make or change the person your with to be the person your in love with.
I always told myself that if you love someone and you can still feel that feeling, still can see the future with this person despite whatever you two are going through now then you can always make it work. I tried to make my relationship work with someone who just had love for me for years. I really don't know if he ever was in love with me. You can't make someone fall in love with you. I hoped and prayed everyday for years that he could see what I saw in us and fall in love. But he never did. Instead he saw what I saw in him in someone else. And to this day I still don't really know if this feeling that i have is being in love with him or not, I doubt that its lust.
Feeling a sad, empty feeling right now writing this. Because I want to be happy, but i'll never be fully completed still wanting someone else. smh.
So what do I do about this? I'll tell you what I'm doing now.
I'm doing productive things to take my mind and heart off Mr. Doing things that make me happy, and being around people that care and appreciate my company. I found a man who adores and loves me, flaws and all and I just want to feel the same. When he looks into my eyes and tells me he loves me, I cry inside from knowing that I have the ability to hurt him, I'm sad at the the fact I don't feel that way. Right now he's just fulfilling my needs and filling that void that Mr. left. Its just sad because I know he's a humble, genuine, person.
When I start feeling this way I think about everything that has happen with MR. and the pros and cons of trying to be with him. And then i think about all the pros and cons with the new boo...and there's so many more benefits but something in my soul still wants to belong to MR. and that's the part that I'm trying shake...
God. Please help me, please help my heart before I loose a good man.....
