Just Let u Go....

Alot of things are easier said then done.....

Many people have told me the only way I will be free and completely happy is to completely let you go. Meaning no communication,
no conversation,
no traveling to see you,
spending time, no i love you and i miss yous,
no physical contact....we really have to stop talking for us to get any better.
Not to say our realtionship is bad...on a scale from one to ten its a 7.

Our main problem is commitment and trust. We both have screwed each other over so many times that when we want to do right and be faithful and true its taken as a joke...something that sounds good for the moment and then he jumps back into his ways again. I admit I've did my cheating years ago...but I was also 19 and young and we were not seriuos about one another ...his cheating has been consistent and all throughout our entire relationship. Recently 4 months ago...my one time fling was just a one time fling...he has flings whenever he pleases. With that being said we could never be committed. could we?  I feel that I will never be able to trust him. Based off our conversations we had and I'm always finding out something new he cant be trusted. I do believe he has potential and he can be everything i want him to be in a man but maybe that's gonna take him being 35 to realize (fact-none of his uncles and male cousins are married, or in a stable relationship...go figure)

Were not committed to one another yet we question each other about everything. We do for one another as if we were a couple, we go on dates and are always seen together but yet at the end he's not mine. I think he knows I will forever be his...Maybe its because im young and still haven't learn it i don't know. But what i do know is love wont let me leave him. I cant go without talking to him or seeing him. I've tried dating other men but I feel uncomfortable around them and then I start comparing every little thing to him. From the way they look or how they conversant its not like him. When someone else touches me even if its just a kiss on the cheek goodbye or a friendly hug I don't feel right. After the date is over I feel ashamed as if I'm cheating or what im doing is wrong. I still haven't accepted the fact that he's not mine. When I do accept it my life wont be the same. I wont be the same. Things between us will change and I know I have the power to make that happen.

When we started dating back on '06 we were great... honestly we did more sexing each other then anything we really didn't know one another until two years later the words I'm pregnant came out then everything change. Change is good. I thank God everyday for my child and I wouldn't change a thing about how she came about. Now I find myself learning things about him I should've known over 4 years ago. We conversant a lot, about everything we are more friends now then we ever have been. I love that about us, and I'm glad it took my child to see how we really are.

I don't have the willpower to move forward without him with me. I know what i want, and everything I see includes him. I cant imagine things without him. And thats a HUGE problem I have I'm not dependent on him because i can do for my child and I but maybe I depend on him emotionally.

I put my name as the Virgo Maschnist because i agree i am one. Here's the definition....

NOUN:

The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.
The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.
A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences

Ive been mistreated and emotionally abused by this person, Been a victim of many unpleasant and trying expereiences and still I wont leave. I do get pleasure from it, sometimes i look forward to something happening or need something to happen. Am i crazy? Delluiscoonal? Inlove?

or really is this how young relationship go?

I don't like getting advice from people that are in no position to tell me about my relationship so I don't ask. I keep a lot to myself or now I blog...which helps.