I figured this conversation wouldn’t come out like I want to so I found myself writing you again. I hope you are reading my letters and understanding me just a little bit more. I haven’t told you but other than me sleeping all the time. I had time during the day to sit and think about everything and read and think about why people are the way they are.
Especially you… First of all I want to say I have no hard feelings what so ever. Your in your “seedless grape” stage and I think when a man is ready to be committed he will be. I mean come on your young and you have goals and things you need to get straight first. Hopefully commitment is something we both will want years from now, Us trying to be in a committed relationship on and off was never going to work. I’m just realizing all this now because I feel I’m learning or I have a better understanding of men and women. We are too young to want something so serious, and we should’ve never expected so much from each other. That’s what I think. All of this is a learning experience for the both of us. And at the end there’s a positive side!
Being good friends, developing some type of foundation, trust, and communication are some things that I think we should be on top of. I was talking about everything all backwards and because at times I can be young minded I felt I needed this and that, I needed attention, I…being selfish. I’m learning that you HAVE to love yourself, and I have to put my best foot forward. I’m accepting the fact that I got put back on the shelf lol and I shouldn’t feel bad about it. Just because I wasn’t right for you doesn’t mean that I’m not right for someone else, or maybe (just maybe) we’re not right for one another at this time in our lives. We do see the potential in one another…
Just based off of hunger you went to feed your appetite…just being a typical man. It’s like an urge, a physical grafication, just a sexual urge. I learned that you won’t chase me but you will chase booty. You don’t have the time for me you want something easy and I understand that. The women you chose have no substance so at the end of the day I know I was true to myself. So if you had to put me back then o well. If you want something easy and rotten then that’s the stage the your in. When you grow up you will want something more of a challenge. Hopefully when you ready to commit you won’t have problems. It’s a sport to you…It’s a sport to most men. (sex=sport) When I think about Rebecca and you, (Becca is a seedless grape) I learned that it had nothing to do with me. You being a man and see and wanting all the physical was what it was about. You going out looking for a quick fuck is you being young…and just like you I was once that person to. I’m more emotional so all my relation was built on emotion all your relations is built on physical. It’s never an emotional thing with you but always one for me.
I was seedless once, easy to talk to easy to fuck, very gullible, and nigga could tell me anything and I love him, I didn’t know my value, and I didn’t know who I was. I was fast and I didn’t care. I couldn’t sustain nothing long term, I had no sustenance. Despite what you think, I’ve grown from that, I’m changing for the better, I have to. I can’t and won’t allow myself to be that person you always think I’ll be. Now that I know better, I’m doing better.
During this whole 2010, I really been doing some self-finding and understanding. Understanding how to be a woman, knowing my value, Being able to understand older and younger men. Being comfortable with being alone, Understanding the value of my couchie lol…I know it’s a shame it took over what like, years to figure myself out but I know me. I’m seeded now. I’m a challenge (for the next not for you so you think) and there’s a process with me. And if a man doesn’t respect me and what I value then he’s not for me. I know now that I don’t need a man to complete me, and that now I can sustain something long term. Women have power and set the standard for men.
I’m thankful for having better understanding and gaining more knowledge and life, and love. I’m glad that no man can sell me a dream and tell me what I want to hear just so he can fuck…been there done that. Melvin I’m 23 years old, for the record. Not that you think so I have a blank slate now and I can start fresh. Just because I was fast at times in our relationship doesn’t mean that I’m always like that. Please be open minded.
(I know you probably like child please but just understand that people grow up)
I’m not looking. I feel that I still have many things to learn. I want to offer more to the table in the next. I’m still developing ME. I feel that later on down the road whether it’s you or not I’ll be someones queen and they will be my king!
So anyway make sure you love one another but most important……love yourself. Thank you for your time!
Danielle
No comments:
Post a Comment